What’s the difference between humans and animals?
Animals would never allow the dumbest ones to lead the pack.
There’s only one winner in a trade war… 2:04 Min. by This Hour Has 22 Minutes, Jan 29, 2025
You were gonna buy… American maple syrup?!
With over 12 million TikTok views, Mark Critch reflects on reaction to viral ‘22 Minutes’ tariffs sketch 2:56 Min. Feb 9, 2025, CBC News
A sketch about Trump’s tariffs from CBC comedy show ‘This Hour has 22 Minutes’ has raked in over 12 million views on TikTok, plus millions more on other platforms. Mark Critch talks about the reaction, and what it’s like being a comedian during these turbulent times.
Freed: Let’s turn off the U.S. maple syrup pipeline. Let them eat corn syrup! by Josh Freed Special to Montreal Gazette February 08, 2025
In the last week I’ve found myself peering at supermarket fruit and veggies like a detective and wondering:
‘Hmm … Does it come from the States, and if so where can I find Brazilian beets, or a Greenland grapefruit?’
Like many Canadians, my nationalism has soared since the Emperor-President’s ongoing threats of tariffs and annexation.
Yes, he blinked after our premiers showed courage under fire and banned American bourbon and wine. Huzzah!
But Trump’s sudden 30-day reprieve hasn’t cooled my ardour. In fact, as long as this ridiculous one-man trade war hangs over our country, I’ll be avoiding American products, like three-quarters of Quebecers are planning.
I admit it’s hard work being a trade war warrior. Early this week I spent two minutes in a supermarket aisle, squinting at the fine print on the Tropicana orange juice that said “Made in Canada.” But it didn’t say where the oranges were grown.
I asked my AI app, which instantly declared the oranges came from Florida. So I replaced the carton on the shelf.
AI then informed me that “Oasis” OJ (available locally) is entirely America-free. Sold!
Next I asked AI for a non-American peanut butter and it took its longest delay ever before answering — a crazy-slow 16 seconds compared with its usual half-second.
Clearly stymied, it suggested I switch to almond butter brands, which come from B.C.’s Okanagan Valley. I bought some, eager to start my peanut butter boycott.
Many I know are boycotting Florida, which isn’t really a sacrifice. With our battered Canadian dollar, we can’t afford to go there, anyway.
What about this weekend’s Super Bowl? Do I cheer or boo both American teams?
No one really knows what this phony war is about, except President Grump. Given his ever-changing demands, is he trying to:
a) Stop minuscule amounts of fentanyl from crossing our border?
We just appointed a “fentanyl czar” for a fentanyl problem that doesn’t exist.
b) Stop illegal migrants from crossing, which we’ve also pretty much done?
c) Pressure Canada into becoming the 51st state, or more likely colony?
Or d) Is this all just Trump’s latest whim before he suddenly shifts focus to seize the Panama Canal and Greenland, then change the name of South America to “South of America”?
What will he demand next — that we stop sending our Canadian snow and cold into the U.S.?
“Canada’s weather — very bad, just terrible folks! They keep sending it to us … wind, ice, cold! It’s murdering innocent people, folks! They’re killing Americans and it’s gotta stop NOW, Canada, or I’m raising tariffs 250 per cent, maybe 2,500 per cent!”
Our national pride is usually fairly muted, but Trump has poked our patriotism more than any time since the Canada-Russia hockey series in 1972.
In recent polls, pride in our country has risen 11 per cent in English Canada and 13 per cent in Quebec.
If Trump keeps it up, America’s president may succeed in uniting Canada and Quebec.
Even our forever-squabbling premiers are standing arm-in-arm, especially Premiers Legault and Ford, our new Captains Canada in the trade-war trenches.
The challenge is while we obsess over whatever America does, they rarely notice us. Perhaps the same will prove true, even if we boycott their goods.
So what other soft power can we exert to pressure America, if Trump’s bullying continues?
Several weeks ago I suggested recalling all our snowbirds from the U.S., which would wreak mayhem on Florida’s “early-bird” special restaurants.
But what more can we do?
Some say we should cut off America’s oil supply, but I say let’s hit them where it really hurts by cutting off their maple syrup pipeline! That’s right: No more genuine Canadian maple syrup for their Brooklyn artisanal waffles.
Their “maple-flavoured” breakfast sausages will suddenly taste a lot less maple-y.
But let them eat corn syrup!
Let’s also withdraw all Tim Hortons locations to our side of the border, forcing Americans to line up for passports if they want a double-double or decent Boston Cream doughnut.
If more firepower is needed, let’s unleash our geese. Parliament should order all squadrons of Canada geese to fly south — tens of thousands of feathered poop missiles that would descend on American golf courses and parks, leaving no blade of grass unblemished.
Finally, if all else fails, we’ll have to crank up our secret weather manipulation technology (yes, we have that America. How do you think we keep Toronto skies so grey?).
Given Trump’s obsession with annexing us, if push comes to putsch, we can set up our arctic air wind machines at the border and blow even more cold weather south, fighting fire with ice.
We’ve always thought of America as our big brother to the south, but Big Brother seems to have gone berserk. So we’d better learn to stand up for ourselves.
Let’s hope our current concessions appease President Chaos, but let’s not be intimidated if they don’t. Stand on guard, Canadians! I’ll buy Canadian and boycott the U.S. if you do, and maybe the world will join in.
But one caveat: Until winter’s over, I plan to keep watching Netflix.
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Trump’s musings lost to logic Letter to the Editor by Danny Katz, Montreal Gazette
President Donald Trump says the United States does not need any oil, electricity, lumber, goods or services from Canada. If he feels we are so useless, why then does he say we should become the 51st state?
Danny Katz, Laval
Keep Musk away from our elections Re: “Quebec to award new contract for Musk’s Starlink” (The Gazette, Feb. 5) Letter to the Editor by Jeanette Paul, Montreal Gazette
President Donald Trump publicly thanked Elon Musk for his support in “winning Pennsylvania like in a landslide,” making specific reference to his “vote-counting computers.”
Can Canadians be assured that Musk and his Starlink satellite service will get nowhere near our coming federal election?
North of the 45th parallel, let’s keep paper ballots and hand-counting the norm. At least for as long as we still have our own country.
Jeanette Paul, Longueuil
How much do we ‘owe’, exactly? Letter to the Editor by Gail Casey, Montreal Gazette
President Donald Trump says Canada owes the U.S. “so much money” that he has the right to do whatever he needs to do to get it back.
We know Trump often relies on “alternate facts,” but could someone not demand a balance sheet as evidence of this huge “owe”?
Gail Casey, Montreal
Loss of trust not easily fixed Letter to the Editor by Marcel Guay, Montreal Gazette
America’s biggest loss due to President Donald Trump’s behaviour is, in my view: Trust.
I don’t see how any nation can any longer trust the U.S. in its pronouncements, dealings or treaties. Nothing, it seems, is binding if Trump decides otherwise.
Marcel Guay, Ville-Marie
Refer also to:
One of the best letters I’ve read, never mind it published in an Alberta newspaper! Bravo and Thank You! Scott Schmidt, Layout Editor for Alberta’s Medicine Hat News, brilliantly sums up Premier Danielle Smith betraying Canada and Canadians to kiss the ring of “objectively one of the most disgusting humans on Earth.”
This is a great letter too! Letter to America by Pete McMartin: “Farewell to my American friends. It’s over … Canada is superior to the U.S. in all the ways that matter” while quislings Danielle Smith/TBA/UCP pray it up with the Nazis in Washington.